Is It Rude to Talk about Money? Probably. But Why Do You Care?
I'm on a mission to be less weird about money. Hopefully you'll join me.
First, thank you to everyone who read my previous installment of Sterling Invests…Eventually. I’m glad to know that people want to talk about money.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been mulling over how to move forward with this newsletter.
I love learning about investing. I love writing about the different ways people disrupt the status quo in the investing world. I love working for people driven by the same mission.
But this isn’t just an opportunity to share what I’m learning. It’s also an opportunity to help you be comfortable with learning what I’m learning, too.
It’s really hard to start talking about money. So…here I am. Talking about money.
And I want to talk about why we’re so weird about money.
In the last issue, I told you that I am (or will be?) a beneficiary of generational wealth. The choices I make in my life, while they’re still challenging and uncomfortable at times, are made with the knowledge deep in my heart that I can go home if life really goes upside down.
That being said, I don’t make totally reckless decisions (except when I try to bike home completely shitfaced - sorry, Flo). But it means I can take bigger risks than others.
And that’s something everyone needs to be aware of when we start having conversations about making money. There are a lot of “self-made” entrepreneurs out there, but how many of them had the same safety net that I do?
I want the “self-made” narrative (and expectation) to change.
It makes every success story, every online course, every 30-day strategy seem like a golden ticket to financial freedom, when in fact the people who design those narratives launched with a safety net to cushion their failures.
Being “hush hush” about money for the sake of being proper or avoiding awkwardness will only perpetuate barriers to building wealth.
Is It Rude to Talk About Money?
I’ve found that people who have a certain level of comfort (i.e. wealth) tend not to talk about money, whereas people with less money talk more openly and freely about how much they spend (or save).
It seems that, once a person attains a certain net worth, it’s no longer polite or commonplace to talk about money. One simply pays for things without ever asking for the price. And when someone asks how much they paid for something, it’s considered rude.
But isn’t having a proper grasp of expenses part of building wealth? Some may ask from a place of malice and judgement, but others ask from a genuine point of curiosity. Maybe it makes us uncomfortable because it can highlight just how wide the wealth gap is.
There are, of course, exceptions. No one needs to weave the details of their net worth into regular conversation – that’s just obnoxious. And there are certainly many aspects of personal wealth that don’t need to be aired out in public. Everyone has a right to privacy, after all.
But when we avoid answering questions about how much we spent on a holiday or a fitted suit, we perpetuate the unnecessarily weird relationship we have with money. Ultimately, if the information could be found via Google, why should we feel uncomfortable talking about it?
Shame
My dad and I had a conversation soon after I published the last article. I asked him why he thinks people are weird about money. His response:
People are afraid of being judged or shamed.
I definitely believe this is true. But how did that start?
My amateur theory: staying modest about your finances stems from the Depression era and post-World War II economies.
As the world was recovering from a global economic disaster, people may have been extremely conscious and sensitive about money.
This line of thinking stems from a scene in To Kill a Mockingbird. When Scout’s poorer classmate Walter Cunningham Jr. comes over for dinner, he pours syrup all over his food. She freaks out and asks Atticus why “in the Sam hill” does he do something so crazy?
While it’s never outright explained in the book, Sparknotes may tell you that the scene illustrates the wealth gap: Scout has the luxury to enjoy syrup whenever she pleases (on the appropriate foods), whereas it’s a rare and special treat for Walter. He even says in the (movie) scene, “I don’t know when I’ve had a roast. We’ve been having squirrels and rabbits lately.”
Calpurnia immediately calls Scout into the kitchen after her outburst. Calpurnia explains that not everyone eats like the Finch family, and it’s impolite to be so rude to her guests.
Granted, it’s a fictional story written from a child’s perspective, but the scene illustrates the fact that the wealth gap is still visible, even when we don’t talk about wealth. Highlighting those differences in wealth - whether it’s the size of your house, the labels you wear, or how you season your food - is rude.
And that’s just how it’s been for the past 80 or so years. It may have been a nice gesture for the well-being of society and relationships, but at what cost? And for what purpose?
Spending, Saving, Investing: Understanding What’s Natural and What Isn’t
The entrepreneurial spirit in the US forms the foundation of the American dream. In the latest season of The Uncertain Hour podcast, Krissy Clark and the team at Marketplace explore what it means to be an “employee.” Spoiler alert: it usually means being an entrepreneur paid less than minimum wage.
But that’s not what an entrepreneur is supposed to be. An entrepreneur pulls themselves up by the bootstraps and builds a business empire from nothing…right?
The entrepreneurial journey is paved with personal sacrifices and enough work hours to fill multiple lifetimes. People glorify this struggle to “make it.” Nowadays, it’s infamously coined as “hustle porn” - a dirty, possibly unethical glamourization (and expectation) of hard work.
But I think there are a lot of visible, successful entrepreneurs who aren’t telling the whole story. And I’d bet that’s because no one wants to read about the successful business owner who started with an advantage.
Who wants to cheer for the predicable winner in a world of underdogs?
There are so many people out there touting their six-figure growth and preaching about how to be smart with money. I don’t mean to discredit the value of hard work - I’m sure some of them honestly built their businesses from nothing.
But there’s a good chance that many people who have “made it” or call themselves “self-made” had an advantage that they’re not sharing with you. Instead, these successes should be open about where they start from and where they are now.
People need transparent road maps for wealth creation. And they should have all the relevant information to determine whether the financial advice fits their own needs.
Things I Found Informative and Interesting
Do you want to invest in a VC? I highly recommend jumping on Backstage Capital’s wait list
Yes, I totally loved everything about the GME/hedge funds/Robinhood situation. If you want an explanation, Miss Finance breaks it down in less than 4 minutes (also, there aren’t a lot of women on Youtube talking about it?)
Nathan Latka raised a $10 million fund and then wrote checks to founders working their asses off on Twitter
Final thoughts
If we could be open and honest about our finances, maybe we wouldn’t be so weird about money.
If you watched that whole clip from To Kill A Mockingbird (or know the book scene), you’ll know that Scout had previously tried to explain to her teacher that there’s no way Walter would accept lunch money from her. Regardless of whether it’s her place to speak on Walter’s behalf, Scout is open about their financial situation.
She doesn’t actually judge him for being poor - she just doesn’t make the connection between that and the syrup.
Here I am again: so much I’ve already said, yet so much still to explore.
I’m marinating a few more topics on this, but what do you want to know? What are you afraid to talk about when it comes to money? How can I help you break down barriers and have honest conversations about wealth?
Feel free to leave a comment or send me an email: sterling.c.schuyler @ gmail.com
And thanks again to all the good folks at Compound Writing for helping me work through this edition, especially Lyle, Steven, Richie, Doc, Nick, Ryan, Abu, Josh, Dan, and Yishi 🙏